Hey Alainee! I just wanted to write to you, though I see you almost every day anyways. Everyone is fine, I hope at least that I know of, so don’t worry so much about that. I’m doing okay too, if you’re so inclined to know, haha. We’re seniors now! That means that we’re on our way out of high school and now into the exciting new world of college! I think that’s pretty awesome. We’ve all waited for this day, this day where we all finally begin our lives in the real world, free to choose and free to experience. I feel the excitement coursing through my veins already. But something is just missing from that; something so crucial and so special that it’s just not right having it not here with us: you.

It’s been one year. You never really know what happens in a year until you’ve watched it go flying by like a comet. So many holidays celebrated, hangouts planned, projects done, tests completed, study dates, and birthdays remembered and quickly passed, the number of age adding up to just one higher than last year. But it’s this one day that doesn’t pass over so easily. It’s the one day that, out of all the possible days, isn’t so quickly shaken out of our minds as just another day. I can’t believe that day has come once again. I don’t know if I’d want to remember what happened. I don’t know if I want to remember the worlds shattered, the emotions felt, or the realization of the last words you’ve ever said to me meant. I’m not sure if I want to let them go because they still cut into me, or hold onto them because it is the last thing that I know from you. But I don’t want to remember you like that. I refuse to. I want to remember you as Alainee. Alainee, the person who can draw a picture in 30 minutes that all of us couldn’t do in 3 hours; the person who didn’t even break a sweat at the greatest of challenges; the person who was willing to see into all people for not what they were perceived as, but as what they truly were; who never failed to impress anyone with wit, cunning, and humor; who was willing to talk to someone through the entire day and into the next. I could honestly go on forever. But most of all, I want to remember you as Alainee, the person who existed and graced our lives with your presence, who made every day just a little bit brighter because you were here. For that, I can’t thank you enough.

The future for you has disappeared. There is only a home in our hearts that is always full of your presence, a love that we share with you, even if you’re not here anymore. A home that in our dreams and in our hearts we visit often and feel warm; one that we can visit when our days are at their proudest, or their coldest; a reality that we don’t have to accept as broken or empty, but instead, as pure and as thoughtful as the time you’ve had with us every day. In that sense, maybe the future without you here isn’t so different or painful, because you’d always be in it within us, carrying you around to witness ours. Maybe for you, the future matters no longer; you belong now only to the universe itself. We carry the future with us with pride and satisfaction because we know that you were there in our pasts. For that, too, we cannot thank you enough.

We miss you Alainee, from your friends whose love you shared to the teachers whose lives you were a part of and whose days were made great, to your family who loves you so dearly. I don’t how exactly to convey that without writing a novel on it, for even these words are meaningless to describe the love we have for you. I’ll keep this kind short for the sake of trying to end this letter, but we love you Alainee. I hope wherever you are, you’ll remember us and be proud of what we’ve become, and what we will be.              

-Adam

Dear Alainee,

It’s Adam. Before I say anything else, let me just say, Happy Birthday! You’d be 17 now, as old as everyone else, tackling high school bullshittery, dancing your way through assignments, not even breaking a sweat at even the hardest problem. You’d be graduating with us too, with everyone you considered a friend, with everyone you loved, with everyone you hated, ready to jump into this new reality called life. I hope I would’ve been at your side then, looking at you in your gown, just feeling so proud of you, your family being so proud of you, with the aura of success and the color of blue surrounding us at that ceremony at the stadium. Then we would’ve done everything together, even if that just meant sitting in a dark, cool room under a blanket and watching anime. Just doing that would make me the luckiest, happiest guy in the whole universe. You would’ve also had so many of your friends at your side, ready to help you, ask you, take you out, show you how much they truly loved you, how much of a champion you really are to them. In the blink of an eye, we’d be adults, working our lives, having our own families, doing adult things, but still free to do and free to choose, even if it means choosing to stay in bed for a few minutes more.

It feels as if it has been so long since you left. I still feel as if every day just feels so wrong without you. No more of your cute panics when the teacher assigns something, no more amazing sarcastic responses to stupid questions, no more savage comebacks, no more of the fierce aura that you emit, just talking to your friends or just walking the halls. No more UIL championships, no more commendations by your teachers by just being their student. I miss all of that. I miss you the most. But somehow, I know that I carry just a piece of you in my heart, a fragment embedded in my thoughts, and even with just that, I know that you’re truly not gone. We see you in the rain, in the stars, in the writings you made, in the eyes of your family, in the memories that travel with us every day, and especially in the friends that you made. That alone is just enough to remind me, and everyone that loved you, that even if you aren’t physically here, you will never be erased from existence, from the thin membrane of time and space that binds us all in the present and in the future.

We all love you and miss you so much, Alainee. I hope that from your deserved place in the stars above where you watch us, that you are proud of us, proud of our struggles, our successes, every day where we manage to fight back the pains of life and the stress of today, where we emerge as the total victors of our destiny. We all promised to keep going, keep fighting, even if just for you. And, again, Happy Birthday. 

- Love, Adam, and everyone that promised to make every day better than the last.                                                                                            

Surprisingly, no. He just had a penchant for writing. One of his best subjects in school was English, and he’d always write fantastic, well, everything. Great essays, stories, arguments, whatever. I thought I was good at English and writing untiI saw his work and was just awestruck.

I don’t know how to answer this but I can surely try. He was so wonderful. In school, he was #7 out of 627 in our junior class. He didn’t even try and somehow, he excelled in all of his classes, more than I could possibly hope to be on the level of. He wanted to push himself to his limit, and thus, took as many advanced classes as he could, 5 for this year, and 7 for next year. He was so cute and every day I wanted to just hug him, even though he didn’t like PDA. He also loved a lot of Japanese media (music, manga, games, anime, etc.), and he was a little bit of a weeaboo lol. He was also very depressed. He had very low confidence in himself and a very negative self-image. I didn’t believe any of it and tried to tell him every day that he was so special to me and his friends and classmates. He also had a dark sense of humor which made anybody laugh, even those who didn’t like him. I talked to him every day and he was willing to tell me everything about him,  from his past to his feelings and thoughts. I just loved him for that alone. I loved him and I just can’t believe that he’s gone and I miss him just talking to me about just random stuff.

Hal and I were officially together (as in a traditional relationship) for 1 week. But he was really stressed out because he felt like he couldn’t be as nice as I was in the relationship, and we “broke up”. But we still liked each other a lot, so we decided to just ditch the traditional relationship approach and just be “together” for a few weeks. In total, I’d say about a month before he passed away.

Hi everyone. I’m Adam. I made that tribute to Hal that Parker kindly posted to this page. As you all know, 2 days ago, Hal passed away. Everyone who was affected is okay and is still trying to cope with the loss of him and still in mourning, including me. I just wanted to do something in order to give more light on who this person was since most of his friends are online and don’t know too much about his deep, personal life. That’s why I’m doing a Q&A type thing to honor him, if that could be done. I encourage anyone who has known him online or through another friend or something like that to throw me a question about anything about his life (but not too personal, his family wants relative privacy regarding this matter) ranging from his friends, or his school life, or my relationship with him, or anything like that. I’ll try to fight through my tears and my sadness to answer as many questions as I can. Hal was a great person, and everyone who has cared about him deserves to know a little more about him on a more personal level. Thank you all for supporting him and taking care of him and appreciating his work and tumblr page. I’d imagine that all of it made him feel happy.

You were a peculiar one. I remember when I first saw you skulk into Psychology, sit at our table with a strange air of, dare I say it, confidence. This was the beginning of the second semester, and the times after then were great. I also had you in APUSH, and there, you dominated. I struggled to keep up with you and how you worked. I loved working with you and just being your friend in both classes. I always thought you were so wonderful and so beautiful doing what you do. I mean, #7 in the junior class? UIL state contender? Writer? I can’t believe I was together with one of such abilities. Our friendship developed and deepened so much in such a short time. I remember just us talking afterschool every day and telling me everything about you. Laughing, playing, studying, all of those things. I cherished every time you talked to me and I loved it when you opened your world up to me and I opened up my world to you. You were so funny and I always found humor in everything you did, good or bad. I felt so connected to you on a level I never expected to. I remember looking at you one day in the spring and thought: I really like this person. I was so surprised and felt so flattered to discover you felt the same way. I glowed when you said to call you my boyfriend. I wanted to show you that you mattered to me, to everyone, and I always made sure that you were happy and comfortable, in spite of your depression, in spite of the life you felt was so hard and stressful. I was going to carry you into class if you’re exhausted. I’d lend you somewhere to sleep in the form of my shoulder. Anything for you, anything. I was your friend, your punching bag, your bed, your support, your recovery. But without you, I’m lonely and I can’t even describe how I feel now that you’re gone. Everyone tells me the reason you stayed here was because of me, but I think it’s because you were strong enough, even though you thought you weren’t. I believed in you. But you were suffering. You decided to end it all, stop your pain. I couldn’t do anything but just watch. I’m so sorry I couldn’t do more for you. I wish I could’ve shown you more of this wonderful world we live in. My dearest Hal; I miss you so much. I love you more than that. I just hope that you’ve found the peace that you deserve, somewhere. I want you to be happy, whether in this former life or the another. I wish your family a safe and close recovery. I wish your friends support in this trying time that they need it. I hope we could continue to make you happy and honor you, because I know that’s what you’ve wanted from me, from all of us.

-Adam Laureano-Bowie